How To Find Your Energy Balance
by Quirky Qabalist
Everything is energy. Science and spirituality agree on little, but on this there is complete harmony – the energy of everything is interconnected.
As part of my spiritual development, I realised that what I was thinking and feeling was actually a mixture of responses and interactions I had with others that I had taken into my own energy field. In order to find the authentic me and what that person thought and felt, I had to get to know how to recognise my own energy, and learn how to deal with energy given or taken by others.
I used to give a lot of time, effort and energy to everyone else but it would leave me feeling drained, and taken for granted. I would always offer support to others in need, but then find that the support was either ignored, or taken without gratitude.
Of course my resentment built up and I started creating situations that I felt would force them into at least acknowledging I had tried to help! And these were not nasty or mean people – just people who didn’t ask for and so didn’t acknowledge the help I gave. Help that isn’t needed isn’t help, but it still takes energy from you!
I couldn’t find a way of explaining my bizarre behaviour, until I began to really understand the concept of energy and, more importantly, energy transfers. I realised that I was trying to give my energy away and expecting energy in return from a thank you or recognition. This is when I realised that everything we do boils down to one simple question – what energy transaction are we trying to complete?
Each of us has an energy bank; our ability to store energy for our own use and to use with others. We make deposits and withdrawals and if we get the balance wrong we end up with a deficit. To deposit we take action ourselves through self-care, or we get energy from others from their acts of kindness. But equally we have to draw down against that account to deal with physical, mental, spiritual and emotional activity and if we are taking out more than we are putting in, we are impacted with physical ailments and emotional instability. So how is your energy account looking?
The first place to look is in our relationships and how they are working. The success of the relationship depends on the balance of energy being right for both sides of the interaction. If one side gets more than the other, it is not a ‘fair trade’ and the relationship will be harmed. Think of the following situations, and explore how you would feel: The client who is constantly critical; the colleague who takes credit for your work; the friend who spends hours telling you about their life. These are all situations that can impact our energy stores.
Do you now defend yourself against every client? Maybe you struggle to trust work colleagues, spending longer trying to work out what their game is? Does your stomach sinks as phone’s display tells you who it is? These reactions are our intuitive way of trying to stop an energy loss, but we too often we will override these with feelings of guilt or obligation and carry on letting our energy get changed by less than desirable circumstances. In each of the scenarios, would you feel better or worse?
We have to manage our energy stores better, and make them available at the right time. We need to stop allowing that energy to trickle away on situations that do not serve us. How can we take control of our energy and its flow to and from others? Whether it is one person or one hundred, the ability to understand the energy in your environment and more importantly, how to control it can help ensure that the energy you receive is equal if not more than that you gave and that it ultimately gets you the outcome you want.
Here’s what you can do:
Get to know your energy patterns
Check your emotional and mental state at different points of the day to see what your ‘baseline’ is. Are you always happy when you wake up? What is happening at times when you start to feel tense or angry? Take a few minutes each day to meditate, which at its most basic is a short period of time you give yourself to press ‘reset’ on all of your emotions and reactions to what is going on around you, and can help you find your point of balance. To get the most out of a meditation, you need to be able to recognise what emotions you are feeling and whether they are something you want or something you don’t. Recognising and naming an emotion immediately gives you control over it – as emotions are energy, this is the fastest way to start controlling your energy.
Lock down your energy
Consciously assess the energy of your environment so you can control how you feel before, during and after. When you are in a business which requires talking to lots of people, it can be easy to give too much unnecessary energy away, leaving you feeling depleted. This is only made worse if it does not lead to a successful meeting, sale or booking. We wonder why the effort isn’t making a difference – after all, if we give everything we have to it, doesn’t that require people to give some back? This is the trap I used to fall into where my effort wasn’t balanced out with appreciation – you resent the other person when in reality, it is your expectations that need resetting, not necessarily the other person’s manners! Not everyone you speak to wants or needs ‘your all’ – some will want and appreciate that effort, but there will be just as many who may find it off-putting. Remember, we instinctively look to make a fair trade energy wise, and if we meet someone who is prepared to give far more than we are, we back away! “Trying too hard” can be just as harmful to presenting the image you want as not trying hard enough.
Manage and protect the balance
When you are trying to build trust and confidence, people will want to see you in control. If you ‘leave everything on the pitch’ what will be left for them if they sign up? And how will you cope with any extra business or friendships if you are tired and cranky from getting it in the first place?
You need to focus on managing your energy, so that you only give it when and how you want to. Spiritual practitioners are comfortable with the idea of shielding themselves, but it is important for everyone. Visualisation can help, so think of something that represents protection – a wall, a cloak, maybe a shield that you hold up – an image that shows your intent to defend yourself.
Once the defence is up, you can concentrate on creating a mood or energy that will work for you in that given situation. There are many techniques for creating the right mental state – Amy Cuddy’s ‘Power Stance” is a wonderful example of a physical change creating a positive emotional and mental balance. This physical change represents a shift towards an energy pattern that is controlled. You then can direct it with much more accuracy and, critically, intent.
How do you plan on using it?
You need to store and manage how that energy gets distributed so you achieve what you want. Are you a lightbulb which shines in all directions for maximum effect, but will burn out quickly and waste a lot of that energy by directing it to the wrong places? Or a laser, where the beam is directed and focussed on one specific point, a smaller area, but much more to give to that one place? To know how you want to radiate your energy, you need to know what you want to get out of the situation.
Stay alert to energy shifting and respond accordingly. Look out for particular types of people you engage with: if there is someone who criticises or overpowers your message, don’t give them your energy by getting angry or upset, leave them with that energy and stay centred. If there is a person who is taking too much energy (holding your focus and blocking others to you) — protect yourself, and begin to close down the conversation and walk away. You do not have to break rapport to stop any unlimited energy transfers, just stop giving them permission to do so.
It can be tricky to navigate this view of your energy alone and I work with those who need support, to spot the patterns that they have fallen into and help them to reactivate their point of energetic balance. You can find out more about my work on my website www.thequirkyqabalist.com
Written by Quirky Qabalist (Coach and spiritual guide)