You could wake up, run 5 miles, eat a salad, and do your hair perfectly, but if you’re not at peace, it means nothing. – Jordan Bach
Let’s face it, life sometimes sucks and sometimes it doesn’t. Most of us have no idea why some things work out well, while others fall apart.
First, there’s the miracle of our birth, then our parents fuck us up. We fall in love, then catch an STD. We marry and have kids, then divorce and share custody. We work hard, then burn out. And we haven’t even done any crazy shit.
Chances are you’re more like me and have set a few goals on stone and others on quicksand. Maybe you’ve got the job you wanted, only to realize that your career ladder leaned against the wrong wall. From my early twenties and thirties I switched more jobs than underwear. Only later did I get clear on what I was really passionate about.
How many of us have made New Year resolutions to watch them wane by mid January?
Uhuh, I know!
One of my friends told me that New Year resolutions don’t work because they only address the result rather than the cause.
Part of the problem is that many of us live with an egoic voice of doom inside our head. It came into being when we perceived childhood events to mean that we were somehow systematically flawed. The voice judges, compares, demeans and shames us into believing that we are, in some shape or form, not good enough. It gives us every fearful reason to give up and stay happily marooned in our comfort zones, less we follow our passion and sentence the voice to death. Left unattended, it clings to our conscience for dear life, weighing us down.
Here’s the truth. To set meaningful goals it takes courage to look deeper inside yourself to uncover the things that are preventing your personal growth. Are there thoughts that you need to bring into your awareness for you to act upon? Maybe it’s the job you no longer like, or the relationship you want, or the dream you promised yourself long ago. We all have such thoughts one time or other. I have them all the time.
As a life coach, I have a penchant for bringing your thoughts into the light.
The thing is, if we leave these thoughts in the dark they fester into fear, regret, sorrow and anger. In our tendency to avoid these emotions, we numb ourselves with counterproductive habits & behaviors that echo the ego and gag your genius. My favorite behavior used to be eating mouthfuls of dark chocolate every day. There’s nothing like sugar to suppress the stress when I should be feeling and dealing.
Cut to New Years Eve where we make resolutions to curb such habits & behaviors. We stop the numbing, the unwanted emotions return and we’re full circle. No progress, no growth.
Thankfully for me, I’m far too lazy to make resolutions I cannot keep. I choose goals that reflect the journey rather than the destination. I get clear on the desires I want to bring forth such as belonging and connection, which I felt as a child in England. This way, my goal of having quality contact with friends & family, flows more organically and easily from my heart. And I get to celebrate the everyday process rather than just the end result. Which desires do you want to bring forward? What goals can you set to honor them?
Unlike resolutions, I’m not sure if I can be so resolute with a specific result. I’m certainly not as firm (although I do a nice yoga headstand). But it does remind me that sometimes feeling like I have to be something before I am happy, is really just not being completely in the present.
And the present is a truly wonderful thing for a fulfilled mind.
Business Growth Coach
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